Be a cheerleader for your teen. Make sure you are on the same team as your teen. You are not the enemy! Make sure he or she knows you desire his/her best interest.
When your teen makes a mistake or even willfully gets into trouble, don’t aim the machine gun at him or her and start shooting (even though you feel like it!) Although some firm discipline may be required, take the attitude that “we will get through this together.” I’ve heard the following illustration before, and it has been a helpful reminder to me: When an enemy approaches mules, they stand with their back ends together and begin kicking each other. However, when an enemy approaches horses, they stand with their heads together and begin kicking out at the enemy! Obviously, a parent and teen ought to act like the horses. Expect your teen to do right, but remember that any young person (and parent) can fall prey to temptation. Try to remember your own teen years. Then you’ll probably be more understanding when you remember how dumb you were at that age!
Ephesians 6:4 says, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” By showing disappointment rather than anger, you are not provoking anger in your teen. By offering to coach rather than dominate, you are not provoking anger in your teen. By helping your teen fight off the enemy rather than treating him or her like the enemy, you are not provoking anger in your teen.
P.S. from James – There were many times as a teenager that I disappointed my mom, I can honestly say that I don’t ever remember my mom getting angry with me although I’m sure she did. What I do remember was the look on her face when she would start to cry when learning about the trouble I had gotten into. It was a look of complete and utter disappointment and it absolutely killed me every time!!! Take this lesson to heart and believe enough in your teen and their future to be genuinely disappointed when they make a mistake.
